Tongue In Cheek Humour at Abbotsford: 

An Ordinary Morning in the Life of a Healthy Octogenarian —

By: Carol Shipley

After at least two “nature” calls in the night, I awaken around 5:30 a.m. with another desperate urge. It’s a tough call — I’m unable to hold it, and yet when I get out of bed, I’m unable to move due to arthritis which has caused my leg, hip, and groin muscles to seize up. I drip my way to the bathroom. My eyes are dry — they feel dry and itchy about 8 times a day, so I give them their first Systane dose of the day. I notice that my big right toe, the nail of which has a tendency to in-grow, is bright red and I resolve to drop in on the foot care nurse this week to treat it…ouch. My left hip is shouting at me, so I dig the cold compress out of the freezer and spread it over that hip while I sip my coffee and read The Guardian Weekly for optimistic news stories…ha! The bursitis in my left thigh is telling me to do something, so I leave my favourite chair to get the Voltaren gel, squirt it on my thigh and rub it in. Does it do any good? My back seems to be itching all over, so my handy backscratcher from the dresser drawer comes into use.

Now it’s time to get dressed. Bra is a challenge. It involves placing the hook ends to the front of the old bod, attaching it, swinging it around to the back and then inching my arms into the straps. I’ve been doing this for 30 years. Socks are a bigger challenge.  The stool on which I place each foot in turn has to be exactly 18 inches high. If lower, I can’t bend over to get each sock on; if higher, I can’t get each foot up high enough.   I put in my hearing aids that feel like itchy bugs in each ear, but they help me to hear better.

This is definitely the morning to eat a few prunes…enough said. I don’t take any daily meds except for calcium, a few vitamins, and Preservision to stave off AMD (age-related macular degeneration). A soft-boiled egg and a small bowl of granola will do for breakfast. I do much better walking with 2 sticks than without. They help me to stride instead of mince, and maintain a good balance. With 2 sticks, people think I’m an athlete…ha! Not so with a cane. Now I’m all set for the day.

Off I go with nonagenarian husband Ken to our cardio class for seniors at Abbotsford House. I take breaks by pretending to need frequent sips of water. What I love most about this class is our outrageously funny instructor who understands and loves us like no one else; next, the community of fellow seniors who support each other in a hundred ways while having coffee and cake after class; and least of all, the exercise.

Did you note that I’m a healthy octogenarian, and grateful every minute of the day? Well, almost.

Carol Shipley M.S.W. is a long time member of Abbotsford Seniors Centre, author of Love, Loss, and Longing: Stories of Adoption and has 87 years of experience, laughter and life!